Every breath is a gift from the Creator. It is up to us to live by appreciating and giving the right to this precious gift given to us as we move forward on the path of life. Every baby that comes into the world is a new breath, a new life. Fifteen years ago, on an autumn morning, I was surprised and delighted when I received the surprise news from my doctor that I would have two breaths at once. Yes, I was a new mom-to-be expecting twins. I felt like a cell undergoing mitosis. While I was waiting for one, I was going to have two babies.
I was scared because I didn’t know what it was like to be a “mother”. Even though the maternity I saw from my mother was hidden inside me, I wondered if I would be able to handle this job properly. What would change in my life? I loved my job and never wanted to leave. It was horrible to think that I would be sleepless at night. All kinds of questions were flying around in my mind. Then I was advising myself: What the hell, my dear Çağıl, you have everything under your control at work, you can organize this job too. I thought you could hire two experienced nannies, take care of your babies for the first six months and then resume work and life.
Then I put all my thoughts aside and focused on the miracle that our Lord had bestowed upon us. Two separate lives were forming inside me, molded from my blood, my life, my cells, what I experienced, what I felt, what I knew, what I saw. I could not yet see them, touch them, but I could feel them. We had a deep connection. This heart connection always reminded me of the bond between Allah and His servant. We cannot see Him, we cannot touch Him, but we feel Him in us, beside us at every moment, thank God.
Feeling and listening to my babies, often with my hands on my belly, stroking their hair, became my most precious moments. I wasn’t talking, just listening. As Mawlânâ Jalâleddin-i Rûmî said, “Bishnev” (listen). The more I listened, the better I heard, felt and knew them. On the other hand, I was getting more and more excited about being instrumental in the birth of two different souls. It was a joy to witness this miracle. Finally, the time for our farewell came and on a May morning, my twins took their first breath from this world by saying “Hayy”. And I had two companions.