The joy of conversation is great

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8 minutes

We have a strange way of telling and listening. We tell them as if we are the only ones with problems, or we listen to them to say “what stories do I have?”. Then we talk about the benefits of doing things alone. Maybe because we can’t say, “I was alone, I caused this.” In the West, universities conduct surveys and research over many years. As a result, it is revealed that people are becoming increasingly lonely, suffering from significant psychological disorders during the process, and the following conclusion is reached: Loneliness kills.

On the surface, the things that lead to loneliness are seen as “worldly worries”. There is a matter of livelihood, everyone is doing something, everyone has to do something. For others, their jobs start to hold them back, so their existence is just their jobs and their titles. Whether we accept it or not, the enigma called “business life” gives people not one but several kinds of masks. New masks are being added to existing ones. Perhaps someone who is kind, generous and cares more about others than themselves in their own life can become ambitious, hurtful and selfish as they navigate the zigzagging paths of business life, and these can gradually become adjectives. The same can be said for school life and even home life. The fact that social media has gradually become the center of life, that it has turned into a very serious business area, that most people find many things here that they cannot find in their lives, has built us a digital cage. We have built this digital cage with our own hands. We loved him so much, we made him indispensable. And then we realized that we can be there in another way, we can appear in another way. We can erase the masks we wear at work, at school or at home with a single stroke of a pen and navigate social media lines with a completely different mask, and we can also make friends. A dear friend of mine recently told me: We are at our strongest and most complete, especially on Instagram. And we beat ourselves up to be like that. We realize too late that we are falling apart. That is isolation. Because great mistakes tell people that they are alone, and most of all that they are alienated from themselves. When running from place to place, always looking strong and beautiful, always collecting likes and followers becomes a life goal, one falls under this spell and ends up alone. Because when you put down your phone, you realize that there is a crackling silence around you. What you write on social media is sure to be answered, someone will say they understand you or confirm it. All of this can be good for you for a very short time. Because it is pleasure. But peace is something very different and we are all looking for it today. That peace comes only and only through a genuine conversation, a heartwarming conversation. We are looking for him, we are looking for a word, an expression, an interpretation that will replace the missing “puzzle” pieces inside us, or at least remind us of that lack. Every time we think we find it in the digital world, we know that we are actually deluding ourselves. This is the fuel that the digital cage runs on: misleading oneself, gradually misleading others, and eventually dangling in the void.

In recent years, there has been an interest in the “forgotten” words of our Turkish language. People are remembering or learning these words again, especially through dictionaries, etymology or digital accounts. But how much can he use it in life? For example, let’s take a look at a beautiful concept that offers an environment where one can eliminate the feeling of loneliness and hold on to life, feel useful and valuable, and love and be loved: altruism. What is altruism, who is altruism? Kubbealtı Lügatı says, “A person who thinks of others more than himself, who has the nature to make sacrifices for the sake of others.” We can also think of it as giving preference to someone else, or as the Sufis call it, “giving from the self”. We love this word, it is good for us to listen to conversations in which this word is mentioned, but we cannot see, we cannot realize how this word has flowed to us from the life of a great civilization. Especially those who are new to the word think that “thinking of others” is a new trend, even a fashion. What we are amazed at is ourselves, the self we have forgotten. We are touched when we see an old man chatting with his animals on the plateau. When we hear about a young person going door to door and shouldering the burden of those in need, we say “humanity is not dead yet”. In a village school in the east, a teacher who spends his time and money to make his students love reading puts a smile on our faces. Then we put our phone in our pocket and send what we watch and read to the recycling bin in our brain without any contemplation. We remember them from time to time, we talk about them in the company of friends. You know, the word altruism is so beautiful, altruism is such a wonderful feeling, why don’t we do anything?

Conversation is one of the ways that opens us to others. First greetings, then words. Let’s put it in digital terms; secure connection. This connection first reminds one of oneself. Your strengths, your potential, your substance. Then he says that the person in front of him has a life like his own. As differences are discovered, the enigma called human opens itself up, and the enigma called life joins in. Issues that are knots in the minds and deadlocks in the hearts are slightly unraveled through conversation. While climbing the never-ending slope of life, one takes a break and breathes with the plains brought by conversation. And then there are the “sherbet” conversations, which lift the soul and become a fuel that will take you on very long journeys. Only people with wisdom can have those sherbet conversations. Our Yunus Emre says, “Conversation is the life of the lover and the life of the lover / It is the himmet of the virtuous by the command of Hakk Çalab”. People who have overcome many difficulties, tamed their nafs, climbed the ladder of perfection, put on the crown of marifah, but have hidden all these in their bosoms, have revitalized our yesterday and today with their conversations, and continue to enliven and enliven our tomorrows with their conversations. Because they drank the sherbet from the Truth, they went ahead and they are present every moment with their breath. Today, our hunger for conversation and conversation is because of our need for them. Only they can lead us to the source of love, of the beautiful, of the good. Only by becoming one with them can their words and actions lift us up and give us strength. Love eliminates loneliness, love makes hearts one, love adds life to life, love makes hearts flourish.

He who cannot give comfort to another cannot find comfort in his own heart. No matter what he does, he cannot be satisfied. He stays alone. The image of those who cannot smile, say a kind word, or be a partner in a problem tells and shows that those who do not give comfort to others have no share of light. I have a brother, we talk on the phone once a month, sometimes every two months. We speak without expectations, sincerely, without straining words, with good intentions. The one who speaks little has a problem that he or she does not open up about, we can understand it immediately. I was the one who said the least today. He said, “Let your troubles be my troubles.” Good intentions, strong word: giant canopy.

Abu’l-Hasan Harakânî, the heart of Anatolia, the master of futuwwa, the healer of hearts, had many qualified disciples. One of them was Hadrat Abdullah Ansari. Let us conclude this article with a quote of his: “If you ride on the water, you will become rubbish. If you fly in the air, you become a fly. Win a heart and you will become a human being. Enter the heart of a person and attain the sanctity of that heart and you will become a human being.”

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