Aydın Soysal
8 minutes

What is it? The only thing that doesn’t change is change… Well, well, well! So, inevitably, we evolve. We grow taller, our hormones work, our muscles get stronger, we get fatter… this is all development. Not every development has to be positive. We just don’t like those we don’t see positively. We blow-dry and straighten our wavy hair. If we are short, we wear heels. We go on a diet, we do sports. But no matter what you do, your hair is wavy, your height is short, and the weight you lose usually comes back. Sometimes even too much. Then there is nothing to do…! …is there?

In case you don’t want to read it at length, let me make my point from the beginning. I have two thousand words to say about “development”, which is perhaps the shortest and clearest definition of life, even of human history. Actually, I am obsessed with personal development, not development. I am writing to beat up on “personal development”, which has been emptied, almost turned into a cure, even turned into a rent-seeker, sold like a pill, turned into a course subject taught with strict rules. This article suggests the cheapest, quickest, simplest method to improve you personally. The simplest but not the easiest!

I’ll say it right now. Think about the life you are living now. And write as soon as you finish reading or listening to this article. It will be beautiful. Look, even I am writing. In fact, believe me, it will be the most beautiful article you have ever read. Write what? For example.

What kind of person are you? How do you look? How is your energy level now? What are your habits? What are you obsessed with? How are your relationships? How do you get along with your friends? Which of these titles make you happy and which ones make you uncomfortable? Then… hah, for example, how do you think others see you? Does it coincide with what you just wrote? Then, think about the past. How were you 5 years ago, 10 years ago? What would you have written if you wrote the same headlines years ago? Notice that you are thinking of that day with your mind of today? Who knows if that’s what you think on that day?

Of course, when you write these things, be sure to write with pen and paper.

Then put it away. But remember. After ten days, exactly ten days, open it and read it. Put an alarm on the phone, turn it on and read. Let’s see if the writer is right. Do you still think as you wrote ten days ago? Are you advanced? Or have you at least changed? How have you changed? Is that good? Is that bad? Oh, the good old days? Or are there a lot of “oh, thank goodness”?

Let me give you a hint. I guess something like this could come out of that article. If we were to sit back and think about it, I think we would have a story more or less like this. We have all been our mother’s cookie, father’s lion son or father’s princess, mother’s prince. At least when we were born… Some of you may not have heard much about it then, but they must have said it then. There may have been some of you who grew up in the fields, there may have been some of you who were born in the fields… You may have fallen into families that barely made ends meet in the village or in the city. You can be a mischievous brat or a ladylike butterfly. You can be the ringleader of street children or the one who is constantly pushed around. This process has begun to shape your body, mind and soul like the foundation mortar of your life.

With relatives, aunts, grandparents, neighbors, friends, rights, wrongs, rules, prohibitions, punishments, praise, shame, our beliefs and values begin to be woven together… Past experiences begin to overlap one upon the other, putting vaults and columns on the foundation mortar.

With school, teachers, housekeepers, classmates, bus companions, do the patterns start to fall? Of course, the story turned a bit more urban here. If any of you have children who ride the plow, mow grass, pick tomatoes after school, please don’t tell me about it. Everyone has their own story… Anyway… when the rough construction came out… It was rough, but a child came out.

And then? Then talents start to emerge. Or they try to remove it. Some of them are noticeable if you are lucky. They say this child is prone to sports, painting, music… If it is not clear, they are sent to do activities. Most girls in the cities have a ballet costume. We played the mandolin. Then the guitar became more popular. Or a soccer school, a basketball team. He has no enthusiasm or talent. Let sport be important. There are more talented children. They play, our child sits. The father is on the sidelines. Son, run. That’s how I know. It’s not working. The kid goes to every game. He’s sitting on the bench. He sulks. He gets angry. Maybe he doesn’t like ballet. Maybe his foot structure is not right. Incredible at Play Station games, the boy has only half an hour off a day. No one reads books at home, but he is told to read. All this starts to shape behavior.

To summarize so far, in childhood we are given a shape and form according to who we are or who we will be or who we are expected to be. Attempts are made to pour talent cement on it. Some of them hold, the walls start to be built, sometimes the water and sand of the cement is insufficient… it does not hold, it vomits.

The cement effect is enormously influential in shaping our behavior. Which of our behaviors? Our behavior, which is the manifestation of our abilities, our experiences, our experiences up to that point. If he holds a mortar in the process of talent discovery, our behavior will be more solid, more balanced. Our relationships are more fulfilling, our childhoods happier. But if the tuition is not up to par, it is very possible to be labeled as a weed, unruly brat, mischievous, misfit, punk, lazy.

Have your talents been discovered? What if you didn’t have the opportunity to discover your talent? You have a great aptitude for music, but if the door slammed in your face saying, “What guitar, son?” You haven’t even shown your talent. The trials you were given, which were probably not suitable for you, naturally did not work out. You just don’t have enough skills to do the activity offered to you? It is a pity that you are limited to the skills that the beliefs and values that raised you allow you to experience. And how much of a princess and how much of a lion are you today? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Do you have children? Do you want them to give this article to him for future reading?

Anyway, childhood was filled with dust, cement, mortar and debt. It has passed, but remember that the foundations were laid in that time. Then job search, boyfriend or girlfriend, their expectations, their values, being alone, belonging to a group, being despised in a group, or being in charge, high school, university, military service… and then we got a job? The circles we move in and out of are starting to increase. When the environment is not satisfactory, another environment, another job, another lover, another neighborhood, even another country. But you… you’re the same you. Is it over when the environment changes? It doesn’t end! More mortar on the same foundation.

Then one day something very important will happen. That day is today. Even right now. That day you will read an article on the internet and they will tell you to write. When you rewind the movie and write, at some point the pen will not go. A word, a memory, a sound, a smell can open a lock. The second phase of your personal development journey can begin at that moment. That starting moment can be the beginning of a path where you can find out what is missing, how long it has been missing, what values and beliefs you need to update, what skills you need to develop, what behaviors you need to reflect on, what environment you need to be in, where you can reveal who you are and you can do it without fear. Can personal development counselors be of any use to you? It could be a lamp on the road, or a pole holding road signs. But it is not a one-way pole. The more streets you walk on that road, the more concerts, movies and walks you attend, the more people you shop with, the more books you read and the more you write, the less hilly the road will be. But it is also very important to choose your companions, or rather, to choose your companions from the directions of your companions. Because there will be many guides on this journey. Especially when you lose your way or fall from exhaustion.

How’s the building? Is the roof up? No, no, no. The lid of the coffin has to be closed for that roof to come down on the building. Until then, keep climbing floors.

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